With the end days at hand (A Black Muslim Pretender in the white house? If that's not a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is), one of my flock asked me "Reverend Doctor Nonemore, what about my poor little Squeetums? What happens if I'm Rapturized and she's stuck in her crate? Will Jesus take her too?"
Any other time I'd replied "Well, the Gospels say nothing of pets having souls, so chances are little Squeetums (or Rover or Pretty Boy or whatever) will either die in their pens or go feral, only to be eaten by those left behind."*
However, Pet-ular Salvation (of a secular kind) is at hand!
"How", you ask, "can my pet be saved?"
RAPTURANCE!!!!
Yes, Rapturance! For a reasonable monthly fee, my shiftless heathen of a son, Cletus (Let's face it, if let near the Pearly Gates, he'd try to hock them for wacky-tobacky and loose women. He ain't going nowhere when the trumpets sound) promises to feed and look after your little four legged babies after you've been swept up into the hereafter!
Send your comments and rate requests to: revnonemore@yahoo.com
- Rev. Doctor Jedidiah Nonemore
*Between you and me, Squeetums is an incontinent little evil rat bastard and I don't want him pissing all over my little patch of glory, so let's pray I'm right.
2 comments:
Praise it, Brother Nonemore!
That's REVEREND Nonemore, Sister Overdrive, but I appreciate your enthusiasm.
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