You have been banned for the following reason:Posting unwanted spam
Date the ban will be lifted: Never


That's right brethren, I've been banned. Censured. Gagged, even (well, now...)!



The powers that be at http://www.raptureready.com/ have seen fit to rescind my membership to their forum, for of all things, canned ham (product)! I personally love (and I mean really love)the stuff, and I imagine if I offered, Jesus 'd sit right down and enjoy a big ol' slab of snout and asshole right there with me! For shame, Rapture Ready! FOR SHAME!


That said, I'm not one to sling mud (except in satan's eye, HALLELUJAH!) but I must confess, I did a little digging after my banishment and found a couple of interesting little pictures of those immoderate moderators that I'd like to share:

Picture One:*



Well now, they've got themselves a mascot, aint that sweet? Got their website on his chest and everything...getting out there amongst the little tykes, maybe do a little recruiting...

Brothers and Sisters, the only thing he's recruiting for is your eternal damnation! IT'S A STORMTROOPER. A minion of Emperor Palpatine. Who, dare I say it? Be-DEVIL-ed the whole of a galaxy! You picking up what I'm putting down?

Now, I can you hear you saying "Well Rev, it's just a harmless movie character, it ain't real."

Oh you want real? YOU WANT REAL?! I'm about to show you real! I'm even gonna, as Cletus likes to say when he's aping them godless drugged up "rap stars", KEEP IT RIZZ-EAL!!

Picture 2**

Would you look at that? There's their little friend, cavorting with scantily clad jezebels!

Now you tell me: How is it that such a supposedly fine, upstanding institution as Rapture Ready can ban me for loving, in a purely (almost ) non-sexual way, some potted meat yet they don't say boo to their very own spokesperson having a whole herd of nearly naked, curvaceous, lucious succubi grinding their young, firm, sweaty bodies all over....

Oh lord, I need a lie down...

Reverend Doctor Nonemore





* 100% authentic picture taken from the reaptureready website. Seriously.

**Not so much

With the end days at hand (A Black Muslim Pretender in the white house? If that's not a sign of the Apocalypse, I don't know what is), one of my flock asked me "Reverend Doctor Nonemore, what about my poor little Squeetums? What happens if I'm Rapturized and she's stuck in her crate? Will Jesus take her too?"

Any other time I'd replied "Well, the Gospels say nothing of pets having souls, so chances are little Squeetums (or Rover or Pretty Boy or whatever) will either die in their pens or go feral, only to be eaten by those left behind."*

However, Pet-ular Salvation (of a secular kind) is at hand!

"How", you ask, "can my pet be saved?"